8th January 2017
Coffee can be made in dozens of different ways – and such is its popularity that fans of the black stuff can choose to wash with coffee soap, burn coffee candles and eat chocolate-covered coffee beans.
And around Christmas and New Year, another option appears.
Eating coffee-flavoured bites from chocolate assortment boxes.
Initially, they were simply called a Coffee Cream, but these days marketing teams opt for more convoluted names like Arabica Magic or Chocolate Cappuccino or Cocoa Espresso. You could change the name a thousand times, but one thing would stay exactly the same. The bland flavour.
I have tried dozens of brands, each one with a different title. And as a coffee lover, I am consistently disappointed. Not only do coffee creams not taste like coffee, usually they’re not very creamy either. Instead, the dark chocolate shells are filled with a sticky brown liquid that has never been anywhere near an espresso machine – or anywhere near a coffee bean, for that matter.
It’s true that I’m a coffee snob. But I’m confident that in homes across the planet, coffee creams receive the same treatment that they receive at my house. They are picked up, examined, and replaced. They are always the last chocolate left in the box, eaten only out of greed or pity or error.
I accept that many chocolates bear little resemblance to the fruits they supposedly represent – the oranges and strawberry and lime flavours usually taste vaguely of chemicals – but in my view, the coffee cream is consistently the worst chocolate in the box. Does anybody out there enjoy them?
Somebody, somewhere, must love coffee creams.
But not me. I’ll stick to espresso shots with crema.